the rain is falling

i love the rain. only when im at home of course! hearing the pittar and patter calm my nerves.

i hate how people make judgement of who u are. quit assuming that im a kind, quiet girl who cant get angry. because i do get angry, i do get emotional. just dont  judge me for what im not. why r u building up ur own image of who i am when i dont even know if that is the real me.

do u think? when u laid there, engulf with darkness, do u think about the days that gone by? do u recall the conversations u had that morning? the actions? ur surrounding?

i recall my past. i recall the things that were said to me. and i realise that words can affect u. with just a simple word, they can really harm u. by saying something negative to someone or by doing something to them, can  leave a deep wound inside me. why do i recall these memories? i really want to erase them all… which had me thinking is it really bad to erase the memories? is it bad to have all that bad or good memories erase just so u can forget about it? im really contradicting myself.

i dont know what im thinking anymore. im so confused. and i wish  there was something or someone to give me a hand. even if its a simple gesture of understanding. thats all im asking for.

we are so fragile. so many emotions inside us. how do we expressed them? why do we care what other think of us?

i wish that i was strong. i wish that i have this carefree spirit. i wish i was confident. but im not. im afraid of what other would think of me. i dont like making a scene. i like to blend in the background. so when something unexpected happen, i just look on with surprise.

u heard this all the time “if only we could go back and change what we done.” rewriting our own history, our own mistakes.

music and books can help u through difficult times. words can hurt u. but can also give u hope.

fruit basket is a prime example. it touches on raw human emotion. u think of it but u never can voice it out and that what the book has done to me. took me by surprise that it can really affect u. it understand u. and  i hope to read more of those. i want to find that one thing that i am missing. what am i missing?

we all feel this sense of loneliness at time where  u think the world is against u. why is it that at times we feel happy only to go back to that depressing time? why is it that happiness is only a fleeting moment?

i admit that i do feel lonely.  and i admit that i dont associate with anyone at uni. u can say that im just a lonely person who goes to uni, who goes to the library by herself, and quietly does her things. cos that is me. i do feel lonely. i walked pass people who have someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, someone to sit with. and im just standing there, watching as they pass me.

i dont like approaching people. sound like im not a people person. im just too shy to barge in and ask u to become friends with me. its just not me. and i really envy those who can just stand there and shout to the whole world that they want to be friends with u all. why cant i be like that?

why?

it might seem like i enjoy uni, and for the most part i do. but i just hope that there was something…….i dunoo..

i dont need ur pity. so please dont give me that “u poor girl” attitude to me cos i really dont need it.  all i need is some understanding.

there is still hope. a tiny hope that is still there and i want it to grow.

yay

i recieved my $950! very happy and surprise. but transferred it all to my saving account instead. no way in hell am i gonna touch it. so this morning drove to parra westfield. and yes, straight to borders and bought manga. ^^ got 20% off on all books purchase. so yay!

westfield parking at parra is very confusing. lol i got lost tryna find my cars. why so many levels????? panicked then  retrace my steps. found my car which was a relief and i just laugh at my own stupidity. drove to uni.

today lecture on everyday life was very funny. its about gender role and how we are suppose to act in certain way. the lecturer brought a barbie in to emphasised the image being portrayed in society and was waving the barbie around. it was so funny cos the barbie was naked and she was waving it frantically, the hair just swishing around. but yeah, very interesting and my presentation is on that topic for my next week tutorial.

so many things to do. im tryna reorganise my work and am now tryna re study australia and the world. i realised that i havent really read the readings for aust and the world.

tutorials today was fun as well. lots of laugh and comments and etc.

so overall, a very fun day.

what’s on my mind?

today! didnt work today! so decided to go to parra and shop around. i havent shop at parra in a very long time and even tho i promise myself that i wouldnt spend any cash unless its for petrol or food i simply couldn’t resist. i need new clothes. i  cant stand wearing the same thing over and over again. snag myself a nice pair of pants and pretty tops. and also bought books from borders. but instead of  romance novels i decided to buy manga instead. im becoming addicted to manga. and i couldnt help but laugh at how we used to read manga during our high school years. (do u guys remembered?)

ahh the memories of swapping, reading, and going to kino just to buy manga. we were so obsessed back then. and yes, this obsession is coming back! fruit basket is becoming my favourite. im planning to collect it all. i do read them online but when i really like something i want to collect it. reading online can be so tiring, especially if ur staring at the screen for more then two hours. so many manga i want.

im planning to go to kinokuniya next week. cant wait for pay day! and also the $950 grant thingy. wonder when im gonna get it?

okay, so shopping shopping shopping. i want to shop some more but i somehow resist temptation. spent around 150 dollars in one day. not bad.

my 3 favourite bookshops are kinokuniya, borders and dymocks! i want to explore the city dymocks and border so im planning to go next saturday. anyone want to come? or maybe not since im hunting for books and i dont like dragging people along if they dont want to look at books.

so what’s on my mind?clubbing and alcohol. seeing as how people are turning 18 all i hear is “lets go clubbing or “lets get drunk” and i think to myself “no thanks” i dont know why people become so proud when they went clubbing or they have a party and become drunk just because they can drink alcohol.is that something to brag about? so u went clubbing, dance all night, got drunk and then what? get wasted the next morning.

i havent drink nor gone clubbing yet and i dont think i want to. for some reason i just think its too blerh…

dont flame me its just my opinion.i know people around me do those kind of stuff eg: friends drink and gone clubbing so i dont think badly of them. but to me its just seem so…. bad? negative? or something…a feeling of disgust? well whatever it is its just what i think. after all its my blog so i can say whatever i want.

sometimes i feel like my brain is not functioning properly (i dont think i become retarded) just that i just seem so forgetful nowadays and so so tired. i usually sleep very late and would wake up early just to get to uni.

so many things i want to say but i dont know to express it. maybe next time i will let out my feelings.

come back to me

The rain falls on my windows And the coldness runs through my soul

And the rain falls, oh the rain falls

I don’t want to be alone

I wish that I could photoshop

All our bad memories

Cuz the flashbacks, oh the flashbacks

Won’t leave me alone

utada hikaru- come back to me! very addictive song. listen to it!

so today was very busy! work from 6am till 2pm and people were waiting outside, asking if they can come in even though its not even 6am yet.

the reason? a market/paddington/flemington sorta market opened nearby just across the road! and it was literally packed by 7am! no shit. lol! it was funny cos every cars tries to find every possible space they can to park so they can go to the market to buy stuff. it was crazy. however, drive thru wasnt busy. it was dead (surprise) and only the front is packed!

thankfully i was at cafe but still busy. just some photos i took while i was at the drive thru order taking booth. lol. took my phone out and just capture some busy moment.

so a warning to all u people out there who is planning to come to liverpool mega centre maccas! dont come during weekends because u will be waiting in line like the rest of the hungry people FOREVER!!! cos for some reason everyone decided they want maccas at the same time. not our fault if its packed. ur fault for coming in at the wrong time.

havent check out the market yet but when i drove out there were security guard, police guiding us where to go. (the road was literally blocked and people who tries to come in were not allowed in)

it was rather entertaining and amusing to watch cars coming in, tryna find parking space, police there and all that. also heard that australian idol is coming as well tomrrow. to sing? at the market place? very weird………

but yay! every weekend we gonna be smash! oh the fun of serving!

other then that. nothing really much have  happened. just plain old boring stuff.

im getting really addicted to manga reading. i dont know why but i cant help but go online and read!!!  gahh, assessment is due in two weeks time. i need to start on it. but i cant help procrastinating. every time i come home from uni i would get so lazy and cant be bother with doing my work.starting to lov eclipse!

yay! fruit basket! i love it. yes, i did went and buy it! i cant help it okay? really good storyjapan!  japan! japan!

uni laptop

inside my car!!!

well since there is absolutely nothing to blog about i just leave u some pictures to look at.

cruising the night away…

so yesterday got a text msg from tram asking if i wanted to go to hog’s breath cafe. drove to her house and just hang out for abit before deciding to drive to ching’s house so she  can drop off her car and then to william’s place so they can give him a pressie but also to meet and drive to the place.

all i can say is that george is one scary driver! he speed like a maniac and almost killed himself. and everytime he drove close to me and zoom past me i have flash back that im gonna die.  and if he dare scratch my car he shall go to hell!

okay, so darwin, ching and tram gave william’s this shirt for his birthday. keep harassing him to wear it. lol! geroge went to pick up shane while we just hang around waiting for them to come back. so altogether there were 7 of us. me, tram, sivching, darwi, william, george and shane.

also HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILLIAM! your 18 now. now go and celebrate!

drove to livo cafe and eat, talk and put something in tram’s drinks when she went to the toilet with darwin. we were like swapping drinks around. it was funny. but there were no reaction from tram. and we were staring at her, waiting for some sort of reaction. should have put the whole thing in!!!! (think it was mustard. lol) dont kill us tram. it was all their idea! im the innocent one here ^^

dessert, we have this huge icecream thing! think there were 8 scoops of icecream with marshmallow, creams! it was beautiful . darwin decided to play with it and somehow the food turn into this yuck thing. it was so disgusting and funny.

then to livo where at first we wanted to watch a movie. me, tram, ching, darwin and shane was in my car while george and william in their one. crazy person. appeared out of nowhere. follow me to the parking space where i tried to get the ticket thing but couldnt reach cos it was so far away.beep behind me and i could hear them saying ” hurry up” gave the finger! then we race upwards with george speeding pass me. seem like he gonna crash me. i swear that night i have like a gazillion heart attack!

since tram have no money and there wasnt any good movie to watch decided to go to david’s house. have to go to shell petrol station. detoured cos the road was closed and yeah, pretty much just cruise around till we got to the petrol station. waited for george to filled up his damn tank which took forever! followed them! arrived and we just crash at david’s house. well we pretty much just explore the house and played with the dogs.

the dogs are all so cute! i want it. but they are so damn hyper!  jump around like a maniac. lol! did u give them some kind of drugs or something david? kept jumping all over us! ching was so scared (same for me) ran back when the others say “dont run!!!” the dogs are scary, people!!! they have really sharp teeth! im scared of rabies. after watching that horror movie with kong……….

okay, so played with the puppies then inside the house. which was still renovating. the house is HUGE! like… a hotel! 3 storey high!!!! and the rooms are so big!wiht many hidden doors. creepy yet fascinating at the same time.

hang around, then off to william’s house since they all dont want to go home yet.

funny bit was the round a bout bit. did a 360″ turn and george followed. we were like “he’s following us. lets do the 360 round about and see if he’s following us,” so funny. then that asshole sped past me. dangerous person. tsk tsk.

crash at william’s house. it was nice. but very hot! u need an air cond william!

hang around the living room first then to the kitchen then to his room to explore. it was very interesting.

msning- chatting to people (talking via this microphone thing, some sort of chatting) photos sending of the party thing, gossiping (lol) it was funny hearing about stuff. banging each other head with this thing! ching threatening the guys manhood! LOL! tram tryna tag people and exploring the room. william made us tea but we ran to his room and forgotten about it! and he gone through all that effort just for us and in the end we didnt drink it! lol. sorry!

around 11pm have to go home due to the law restriction.  (im a good girl ^^) plus have work the next day at 615am. =.=’ ( i was late btw! but it was alright)

took the girls home (well ching and tram cos darwin’s bro picked her up) and yeh! it was a fun night but we shud have more people along. wanted to crash at other people house as well so be prepared for next time. it could be YOU that we decided to pay a visit. haha.

an interesting and fun night.

that is all. i have no pictures except for the dessert thing so blerh. ask for other people!

the end

no i didnt study like crazy

well, at least i finished one whole chapter of summary. very long!!!!!

woke up at 10am. study for one hour. mum made breakfast for me and my brother. yummy! fish and noodles and salads and cucumbers. it was really delicious that i went for a second round. my tummy was so full when i finished my second serving of fish and noodles.

then watched some tv (news) before back to writing notes. then i drank V which have me go crazy. lol. couldnt really sit still so decided to listen to music and dance, jump, twirl around like a lunatic! it was fun. ^^ good exercise as well. then lay down and listen to music before the stupid ipod froze! i started to bang it like crazy but nothing works. so i left it till the battery dies out and went back to finish writing my notes. (must be a sign telling me to finished my damn summary) then i recharged the ipod and just hope it doesnt goes dead.

and so im off to my summarising my second chapters. dreading it. but at least i am revising.

singapore noodles are nice

uni today! early early as always. and so i went straight to the library, borrowed the laptop, search around net then watched anime! hehe. good thing for unlimited net. free free!!!

12pm, return the laptop, to lecture,  boring. my mind just turn off. gahh i hate australian history. i rather learn ancient history! so much more fun and interesting then THIS! stupid core subject. i am just aiming for a pass for this one!

then to visual and media culture tutorials. i did listen to the podcast and read the textbooks. i dont really understand. lol. for some reason this weeks reading are all so boring! i dont understand half of what they are saying. then off to history tut. which was alright.

finished for the day. but decided to stayed and borrow the laptop to watch anime. for three hours! yup yup, net is capped so i must take advantage of free net! found my sacred place (just love the privacy desk) have my headphone on of course. i dont want the whole world to know what im doing. 6pm return the laptop. still so many people around. to the cafeteria. have some singapore noodles and 2 bottle of v. i love the singapore noodles. it is becoming my favourite. eat, drink, then off home.

day off tomorrow! yay! and i got my $250 back from college desposit. about damn time. i thought they never gonna give it back. so was really surprised! now i have around $600 in my bank! woot!

note to self: do not spend any of it unless it’s really important eg: petrol! or food!

so now im just tryna rewrite my note since half of the thing i wrote are just ……….. messy! i need to make more sense in my summary or i wont be prepared for the end of the semester exam!  so many things i need to do and for some reason i kept forgetting what need to be done until the last mintue! doh* stupid memory loss!

also need to get my green p! dammit. maybe next week. or the end of this month.

in love with brown boy: superman song!

im in love with so many songs. some new most old! they all so good. and most are jap as well!

ahhh well….. off to bed now! will need to wake up early tomorrow to study like crazy! literally!

im in love….

with big bang (tae yang) songs. they are sooooo good. and their voice are to die for! it just melt through you and make you want to sigh! a must must listen!!!!! trust me u will fall in love with their songs.

-look only at me (tae yang bigbang)

-prayer (tae yang ft teddy)

-make love

-haru haru

so today! did study and etc for most of the morning. im just bored of reading australia and the world. i did skim through it but if im too lazy to do any reading tonight (since lie to me is on) i might wake up extra early and read it instead. good thing that class start midday instead.

mostly just listen to music. plus i rewatch naruto and naruto shippuden! and i fall in love with it all over again. i love the sadness, the friendship portrayed throughout the series. although its kinda tragic as everyone begin to die, i can see the reason why. after all it touched on real life. death is inevitable. i still love  kakashi! he is so mysterious and funny and dopey. but they all just animated figure. so that kind of ruin my fantasy.

and then i rewatched special A. very good. i love the romance and the humour in it. love love it!

i cant wait till my net is back so i can download more anime. i need to download skip beat!!!! its really good.

using uni laptop ^^

im at uni and am using their laptop! so damn cool im telling ya. surprise me how up to date they are with podcast, own laptop to use for the day with fast speed internet usage, im starting to like uni each time i come here.

what i dont like is the amount of reading i have to do for each subject. one whole chapter!!! killing me im telling ya.

no lecture for psychology today. it got cancelled, so i attend my tutorial instead and shud be heading home afterwards but since i dont want to go home yet, (plus my internet is really slow) i decided to stay for a bit and just surf around the internet till i am satisfied.

listen to the podcast (thank god) which was really interesting. im just so glad that i picked really good subjects to study. it really open up my mind alot and change my way of thinking as well. u could say that im starting to become mature.

guess what else i did? i bought the lonely planet guide and japanese phrasebook at my uni’s bookshop. i couldnt resist. and i badly want to know about japan! i want to be prepare when i study abroad and learn their language. not easy to pronounce when there is no audio to pronounce it for you. so my next hunt is buying that audio cd for japanese language. of course i am planning to take japanese language as an elective next year but i want to learn as well as satisfied my curiousity.

i also taken some photos but couldnt upload them now since i didnt bring my usb cable. when i get home i guess.

i shud be studying but im so sleepy. i need to start searching for my assignment but it so damn hard. i am so confused with the library search system.

i also want to buy a camera today so i might do that after uni. see how i cannot resist to spending???? it like i want it when i know i dont need it. wish i could win like 10 grand, 20 grand would be even better. then i can buy whatever i want. or most of what i want.

i re read my previous posts which dated back to 2 years ago. and for some reason it just felt like yesterday! all the memories start to come back and almost left me in tears. rereading the time i was a learner, got my p, my first car, hanging out with friends and the presents they gave me. when i re read that i just smile and think to myself “i really love you guys!” i want to say thanks to you guys. i dont know why i sometimes sound so DAMN negative, hence my previous post but after rereading my previous entries i just realise that u guys do care.

it just that sometimes i feel like it is only me that is having the problem when really i shouldnt be acting this way. so i deeply apologise.

lots and lots of ranting. because i love ranting about stuff! =D

im craving for red V or ice coffee. but they all contain caffeine and its already 11pm so  i shud be sleeping after i finished blogging. why am i blogging again? because i want to and i love blogging ^^

well, i half read the chapter. i kinda skim through after a few pages and read some interesting psychological experiments and the examples.

an interesting one to search and read for is the “kitty genovese” murder that happen in 1964. more then 30 bystanders watched a man stalked and stabbed the woman three times and left her to die before calling the police. this shocked the whole nation at the time. psychologist began to question why all these people didnt contact the police which could prevent this madness.

an experiment was conducted. a group of volunteers was put in a separate room, believing that they were communicating to each other in an adjacent room. however, during their talk, one of the student heard what sounded like an epileptic seizures and was gasping for help. it was difficult for them to see what was happening however, the main thing was how long it took for them to respond to this emergency. the result was that if WE believe that there are more people present, we dont react to this kind of emergency because we don’t want to get involved. we would think that the people around us would know what to do, so all we do is don’t intervene, hoping that someone else would do it for us. this is the case for the kitty’s murder. sound so unethical and yes i felt shocked as well.

it had me thinking too. i remember when i was in parra shopping centre, a fire alarm was switch on. standing there i watched as people didnt respond to the situation. they just kept going on with their shopping, like nothing is happening. however what if there was a fire? wouldnt it be too late to run out of the door when no one is responding to this kind of situation?

the book also answer how we react to the people around us as well. so when we see people start running because he was calling out for fire we respond to that. however if no one is crying out “fire” and just hear the alarm they think it was nothing.

an interesting read. i love it!

another thing im beginning to love is taking photos! see the random pics i just posted on my previous entries? u might think “what the hell is that? that got nothing to do with the post!”

well that the point. it was just random pictures i took on my phone. im starting to like taking photos so im planning to buy a 10megapixal (or more) camera tomorrow or next week. depend on my mood! i want a pink camera or mayb i shud stick to black. no silver please! it just look so….. old?

im planning to take as many pictures as a i can and keep it as a memory. i love taking random pictures. u can say that it will become a hobby for me. dont know when it started…. maybe when i first got my new phone. the camera quality is sometimes good, sometimes bad.

i shall leave u with a picture of vanilla-san from galaxy angel! she is so beautiful. i love her green hair and smile! but she never smile during the show so it was something different. did i mention that she have a monotone voice? and how she speaks. straight to the point and forward.  i love japanese voice actors! they are AWESOME! with a capital A. i will try to find nomad. he is the lost technology and a doll. ok, i couldnt really find a picture of him. there is like NONE! well, some doesnt workm or just direct me to another site, some too small, and some are some weirdos!nomad is the one at the bottom, u cant see him cos all of the galaxy are sitting on top of him. lol!

why am i showing u guys this? and why am i  ranting? its not like u guys want to know. doh”

moving on! photos! i will take photos, upload, print them and stick them in my album! and decorate them and write meaningful messages and date as well. i cant wait to buy a camera. it might not mean much but it will be something that i can do and am really interested in. just hope that the phase does not disappear so soon. i will take random pictures of my campus as well. especially the beautiful gardens. and act like a silly asian tourist, at uni! =D

other then that, i try to keep calm and try not stress out too much. also another good news. interview! but i wont say anything yet. will update on this mysterious interview that i will be having. *fingers crossed*