new year, changes

so how was everyone new year? did u go to see the fireworks? since im not much into fireworks (scared of the noise but love the colours) i stayed home. but also i didnt want to celebrate new year not knowing what is happening to my older brother. stayed home yesterday, and slept from 5pm till the next morning. woke up and for some reason i feel so angry. a deep rage inside me cos i know everyone out there is having a happy time, enjoying their last day of 2008 while im there at home, worrying sick. sigh* but why am i being so negative? its like i dont want anyone to get closer to me, afraid that they will hate me once they know the real me. so pretty much, im pushing them away from me. even tho i have this hope that they still be there for me.

other then that, my cousin from queensland rang this morning who was at cabra station. went to pick her up. parents was still at the hospital. went to movie with cousin like we did a few years back to watch “the incredibles.” this time we are watching BOLT! drove there, with siblings and cousin. barely any cars on the road and heaps of parking spaces ^^

bought our tickets, snacks and went to find the best seats!  and i must say i love the movie!!!! its the best. also got the toy (bought this combo meal where they gave the toy) i so want to buy the movie now. along with kung fu panda. next i want to watch “the tales of despereux” and ” monster vs aliens” after movies, went shopping (only a few stores opened) big w and target to buy movies. lol! bought rugruts movie (three of them) and other stuff as well. home.

so today was pretty alright. thought im gonna be home all day long, so it was a surprised when my cousin came to visit.   i guess it pretty much take away the sadness, for just a moment, so i thank you.

and i thank those who msg me. its really helpful in a way…..

30/12/2008

i hate that day! the day where everything seem to go wrong. whats wrong with the world? im so depressed, so sad. its almost the new year so why is it everything is fucked up? i wish i could washed the pain away from my family. i know they tryna hide it. i know my sis and brother know what is going on. they’re not stupid although they are very young. i try to shield it, the pain where we tryna see the bright side of the story but everytime we have a good laugh about the situations, we always come back and think of the worse side of it.

but yeah that day was the worse day. and i so wish it was just a dream, where i soon wake up and find that what ever had happened was just another bad dream.

other then that, i cant say more and for those i know and trust i will tell u later. just hope u guys dont betrayed me and start telling everyone about it.

went to visit him yesterday. although we have to wait for an hour or so, i only went and see him for 30 seconds. and for that 3o seconds i wish i didnt see him. its not like i hate him. but seeing him, make the situation so much more real. me and my sis went to see him as only two people can see the patients at a time. he was wearing this breathing masks, have his fingers wrapped in this weird thing. didnt look at us. his face turning away as i asked him how he was feeling. and that just cut me deeply, cos i feel like he dnt want me there. and so i walked out of there. i hate the smell of hospitals, and how all the people who worked there seem to be so angry, impolite and impatient. and for some reason i could see why they seem so unhappy. after all they have to face the same thing every day.

home from work today. so tired but tryna feel normal, happy, and forget about what happened yesterday, even if its just 8 hours. mum picked me up, asked her how brother is doing. asked again and again since she didnt answered. she replied that she didnt see the doctor yet and dont know what happen to him yet. sister told me that he was crying. mum then told me how a man just died, in the same wards as my brother. what does this mean? i dont know anymore. i wish this didnt happen to my brother, and hope that it was me instead.

so please, get well soon brother. even tho we are not close anymore, and barely talk to each other these days, we are still siblings. i know that we are sometimes strangers in the same house, passing each other everyday without a word. but no matter how far apart we grew, you are still my older brother. i envy people who are closed to their siblings. i dont have that so i envy them. even though we acted like a family, i think our family is corrupted in so many ways. i think im gonna have a mental break down soon. but its alright. im alright…..

pray pray

something happened to my older brother and im so freaken scared that everytime i think what might or could have happened to him, i feel like crying.

okay so i just finished work at 1pm.mum called me and say she cant pick me up. being stubborn as i am, i asked why and so on.sometimes i just hate myself. so waited for her, she called back, saying my older brother is in the hospital  having an operation, telling me to catch a taxi. hang up and walked home instead. took my one hour to walked home, sweating, hotness but oh well.i walked home before so it wsnt a big deal. replayed back  what my mum told me, reflect back on my stubborn action and i so regret of being a pain in the ass. i dont know why im like this. *bang head on table*

anyway, when mum came home, she told me what happened and how my brother could have died if he didnt go to the hospital. told me how  my brother was having pain in his chest, couldnt breathe properly, and being stubborn as he is, didnt want to go to the doctor. luckily my mum took him to see the doctors, where they got him to take an xray, the xray person rang the doctors, told mum that he need to go to the hospital immediately or he could died. his lungs was getting smaller and is blocking the heart and will need an operation to fix it.

and at that part i burst into tears. literally! rushed him into the hospitals where my brother is still being stubborn, not wanting to take the operations, telling mum that he want to celebrate new  year first before taking the operations and how if he  died that mum still have us three. (what a stupid asshole!!! grrrrrr. when mum told me that i went into anger and sad mode. because i do feel that way sometimes)

and yeeah….thats when she rang me to tell me to go home by myself. brother is still there, having operations and so on. gonna visit him later. hopefully. have to wait till dad will come home. but i know what his reaction will be. whenever something happened to us he would go crazy!  (blaming everyone, especially mum and us, and how its all our fault. scary moment though) but yeah… im so scared now. im scared of what can happen or will happen. i never experience this before, of where  someone close to me is closed to death. so right now i am praying!

out and about

something is really wrong with my spacebar.   stupidness. anyway…. havent blog in awhile. nothing much excpet work,shop,and out and about. lol!

but recently i been having this grrr      moment. lately everything is pissing me off…. so when i get angry i tend to shop  alot…or just built a wall around me. at those time i would shut everything and evryone  me off. sound depressing eh? and i hate being  depressed.  think happy thoughts, positive. but i dont think i can do that anymore…….      why is it that i am starting to hate the world, and the human population. i feel so ashamed of being a human. they can so selfish! we are such selfish creatures. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr……..

one reason: work=customers=no sympathy towards us workers.

they dont seem to understand that we are not robot/machine but a human being as well, so i wish they would stop treating us badly. boxing day and xmas days. why do people come to eat maccas? arent they suppose to celebrate xmas instead of coming to a  fast food place and order meals to feed a family. bizzare! grrr. cook urself  for goodness sake. worse day yesterday. sortof. everyone kept coming from 10am till forever. its like everyone in sydney decided to come to megacenta maccas to eat. stupid asian as well. (im not trying to discriminate the entire asian populations because i am also asian) but grrrr. pisses me off. i told them that the register next to me wasnt open since forever and so please move to my line instead, cos they were creating a false line. he stand like an idiots,while i kept serving, yet he let others to go before him, instead of coming to me. i mean,i was like “next please,” facing him, ready to take his order. yet he still let others to pass by and so i took their  order instead. and when i repeat myself he then start to shout at me, saying whatever whatevr (i cant remember) sigh* why do i have to deal with assholes? why do we, as a cashier have to deal with idiots. i feel so sorry for us all. managers, being kind she is, put me on fries. and being mad i start to make fries like a madwoman! lol!

seeing as how my fries were not being taken quickly enough, turned around, side 2 was packed on orders, no burgers were up or were too slow, customers kept coming, and only one person on side 2.   put on my gloves and helped the back area. its so much better not facing customers. home at 2pm and was so glad to be out. although i felt really sorry for the managers and crew. after all i know what they facing. sometimes i feel like quitting, yet i cant imagine myself being unemployed, having worked for 2 years alreaady.

no worked=no money

other then that i got a keyboard/piano thingy. loveloveit. need to buy AC adaptor. doesnt come with it. stupid. i learned 5 songs already. but i think i forget most of them. lol!

bought pokemon movie as well. $8.99 at target. awesome. funnny thing was i went to livo three times today. first in then out, then in again, then out, then pick tram up, then in, then out. and the guy who was doing the ticket thing, laughed and say “back Again?” funny.

nothing really happened much.. off now

i forgot! welcome back tram and huong!

so tram and huong got back from their long vacation yesterday. pan called me yesterday and say to come and visit them! so drove to tram’s house. lol! it was fun…. plus the most shocking news ever! too bad i cant say it yet so have to wait till next week to tell you what the BIG news is.

anyway, it was fun talking to kong, tram and pan about girly stuff. haha! yes we gossip. then off to woolies. invite huong. she was still sleepy but agreed to come with us. woolies to buy stuff. then to maccas. lol! funny how parveen asked me to do cafe since the front was so busy and no one was at cafe. so yeah…. weird moment. then off to red rooster to visit zerris. hang around there for an hour i think. home by 10pm. drop friends home before heading home.

got in trouble but oh well….

xmas shopping

been to livo for the last three days! monday went shopping by myself and got myself a new phone. about damn time! sony ericsson w910i! woot. i love it. finally got myself a music phone. then walked around, buying eyeliners etc etc!

tuesday shopping with mum. went to eat first, then to warwick farm to look for furniture, then to eat again, then to pick siblings up, then to livo again, looking for shoes, toys etc. food court, where we bought food to eat. yummy noodles. also bought donuts from donut king. yummy.

today, shopping with kong and pangaka. got myself a head phone! yay! love love it. then just do some xmas shopping, decoration for our upcoming xmas party. next sunday! first time doing a xmas party with friends. going to pan house next week? to decorate her house since we gonna hang there afterwards. maybe……

other then that, i have work in the next 30 minutes. i also got my hsc results. its so so! in the 70’s so im kinda relief. mum not. she was expecting 80s and 90s. too bad im not that smart. sigh*

work, sleep, tired

miss queensland for some reason. maybe its the crazyness or how we all hang out without parents and the freedom of doing whatever you want. or maybe its the first time that i get to go on a holiday with friends! it was so funnnnn….. sigh*

other then that, been sleeping for the last two days. after work, i would go straight to bed where i sleep till morning. must be very tired! also my shoulder still hurt from the sun. i think i got sunburn or something. plus my body feel so heavy.

well, i shall go shopping today! i think im gonna buy a new phone, plus eyeliner, plus some other stuff. ohh yeh! dvd! kung fu panda, or curious george, or more barbie dvd!

i want to have a xmas party as well! i think i will need to plan it! plus i want to go to new year celebration as well since i never been there before with friends. so maybe.

to queensland!

just got back from queensland! it was fun, weird, hot, tiring and nice! lol!

lets start off with sunday 7th december! went with pan and kong to fairfield first to get last minute stuff before heading back to pan house to pack last minute stuff and head to the station to meet all the other peeps who also is going to queensland with us! there were 9 of us in total. could have been 11 if tram and huong didnt go to vietnam! anyway there were me, kong, pan, zerris, saoruen, william, george, david and dennis. got to station at 230pm. trained to straithfield, catch a bus to countrylink train station somewhere! took around 5 hours drive. have a break on the way as well. bus ride was alright. cant really remember much except tired, sleep and cant wait till we got on the train. finally arrived at this no where place where we finally got on the train to queensland.

card game was fun. dennis taught me how to play black jack (i know, gambling is bad) sleep, and finally arrived!

monday 8th december: caught a bus to surfer’s paradise. was still dark, sleepy and tired. arrived at sunshine coast. and bloody hell! it was only 6am! one hour early from sydney’s time! cant even get to the hotel yet since they say we have to check in at 2pm. so we just hang around the place, with our luggages, all tired and tryna find something to do to pass time. for some damn reason, time seem to pass by very slowly. jet lagged?

eat maccas, to the beach, sat around, to time zone! time zone was huge! literally! its bigger then….. a whale! so many games! and got addicted to stackers (is that the game?) almost won but always lost by one! stupidness. then out of time zone, still too early to go to the hotel so decided to go bowling! we were winning but somehow lost. lol! me, kong, pan and saoruen vs dennis, david, william and george! caught a taxi to azura green resort (5 stars resort as well ^^) and boy oh boy was it beautiful! i love love it! checked in, ran around our room! checked the guys room first before going to our room where we showered, dressed, then meet the guys outside so we can go buy some food for dinner and breakfast tomorrow. bi lo was just around the corner! shopped abit, buying food and all the stuff. then back home where we all went out to swim at the swimming pool! swam for a while, then back to our room, where showered again, prepared food, watched tv. think we had steak, potatoes, and chips for dinner. invited the guys over! eat, laugh, and then we sat outside the balcony, talking? and then i cant really remember what happened next. but at night, george and dennis went back to their room while the other were still there at our room, watching tv, sleeping out in the living room. it was very comfortable the floor! then i fell asleep, something happen. woke up instantly a while later, still half asleep and thought i slept talk or something? well, that what zerris and william said but all i remember was waking up with my hands up, walked back to my room, saw my face in the mirror with dots of powder then back to my bedroom where i just slept!

tuesday 9th december: woke up early, walked out to the living room and saw saoruen, william, zerris sleeping outside in the living room. to pan’s room where she was sleeping next to david. lol! anyway, was hungry, drank water, kong woke up with dots on her face as well. lol! told her and then woke zerris up! talked? and yeah made breakfast (bacon, eggs and muffin, yummy)

ummm, around 10ish caught a taxi to movie world! bought ou tickets for only $80 where we can use it for 2 theme park! decided to go to movie world and wet n wild instead!

so to movie world, rides, shrek 4D etc etc! back to our hotel at around 5ish. think we went swimming again! lol! got back to my room cos was so tired. showered! zerris came back up while the other guys came down to play maco polo? (is that how u spell it?) could hear them from up the room! and its like 3 storeys up! and also facing the pool! cant remember what we ate for dinner that day! ummm. ohh yeh lasange! lol! it was sour!!!!! yuck. then i think me, pan and zerris went to the guys room. played cards with dennis! uno!!! which i was really bad. was really fun. zerris went back to the room, kong was sleeping.

12ish, dennis told us ghost story! scared the shit out of me!!!!!!!! lol! my god! i jumped back, hit george and bloody hell!!!! it was funny as well. then the guys go on about scary movie, recounting details after details! dennis even scared me 100 times! stupid light kept lighting around making weird shadows. and his voice, going up and down, giving it this creepy sound! gahhh…. slept there with pan! on the leather couch. which was very uncomfortable for some reason. kept moving around, couldnt sleep properly. woke up, put the pillow down on the floor! slept for a bit then woke up again and tip toed out of the room to my room since my stomach was growling! ate cerels, went back to sleep, woke up again to clean the place up! others began to wake up as well. tv? get ready for wet and wild!

wednesday 10th december: wet and wild! caught the taxi to the theme park! a very hot day as well! boiling but fun as well! especially the end! where i ride this mammoth fall with dennis, william and david! they are the most craziest bunch ever! lol! man i couldnt stop laughing! esp how they try to drive the the thing fast and wild!!!! by the end i was shaking hard with laughter! hahah!!!! ahhhh. we went on that like 3 times!

to the pool again! them and their pool! esp the waves.

home by 5ish! waited and waited, called the taxi, tired, showered! ordered chinese take away instead, where they delivered it to our hotel! i slept before i get to eat my food. yup, very tired due to the sun and water. woke up the next day to find something on my face again! lol! stupid william! i can never draw on him since he never sleep! or sleep really late. hungry, eat the food from yesterday! hotness. clean the room abit since it was messy. stupid boys! every time they came over the whole place is messed up again!

sat outside the  balcony since it was so hot in the room! ate food, took a nap before just lazed around the hotel while zerris, kong and pan went to bi lo to buy food for bbq for tonight! just listen to music, william was there as well. dont know why he was still in our room. lol! music, tv abit, they home! the others came over. they went swimming? other then that we didnt go anywhere that day! have our bbq at 7? it was nice. then back to our room where we played games, tv? sleep? etc etc! it was a weird day! at night the guys were doing stuff to us ! or me? gahhh…. was tired as well!

friday! home time! woke up! got ready for the plane home!

well,,,,,, i guess that was all! our holiday over!!! gosh it was fun!!!

so yesterday went to watch movie at livo at around 730pm. met kong, tinnika and tinnika’s friends at livo at 6ish. bought our tickets then shop around for an hour.
horror movie=quarintine! it was weird and scary and funny! lol. i hid myself most part of the movie! kong and tinnika scream at the same time. its about a hotel being infected by rabies and how the firemen, policeman tryna see what going on with this old lady at one room. the fireman got bitten then everyone got bitten and all turn to some sort of freaks! it was good in a way.

the last bit was abit funny. people were laughing at the woman!

anyway, home by 9ish!

work today and trained this new girl.  she was cool and pretty! funny day as well, when erwin was making this spanish accent! cant wait till sunday!

blogging again?!

okay, second post for today! hehe.

well, today is really hot. great day for beaching! other then that, went to school today since pan and zee have to go there to get something, plus went to cabra to asked about the train ticket. so at around 1230pm, after mum was home from her shopping and eating (made chicken roll. its really delicious!) went to pick them up at their house. drove to school, talk, blah, so hot! went around the school asking for stuff (RSA awards thingy, concession card, refund money etc etc) then drove to cabra, then to Red Rooster where we ate, talk, and hang out for a while. bought slushie at 7eleven! (real cheap. and its huggeeee as well! $2.70. better then the maccas one. haha)

then dropped zee home, while pan is still there, working. other then that i forgot to wish Pangaka a happy bday! totally forgot about it and sorry for not coming to the dinner outing. lol. hope you have fun though (with those two people.. hhaha)

yes so HAPPY BIRTHDAY! on the 29th november! ur finally 18 years old =]

well, tomorrow work again, then friday then saturday as well. and its all morning shifts. 6am!!! yayy! not….. stupid people and them drinking coffee in the morning! lol! why am i so angry?

hmm well, start playing this maplestory again, however this one is a different one compare to the real one~ wayyy better, lvl faster, plus 10x drop! and you can buy cash shop without real money, just trade mesos for it! yeah, and plus all the cheats and stuff. but for some reason its not working. stupid ms! well, what to do? rewatch anime? read books that i havent read yet? shud i give twilight another go since every girls is going crazy over this guy named edwin? (i forgot his name) but i dont get what the raved all about. i fell asleep after reading the first few pages! haha! maybe cos its written in first person and its kinda childish for my liking. after all, all my romance books are wayyyyyy more adult then this kind of teen romance that i once would have liked if i had read it 4 years ago. so i guess the three books i bought is a waste of money. sigh* nahhhhhh, i guess its for my future children to read!

ohhhh now i remember why i was angry! they ate all the kit kat! stupid family of mine! mum bought it just this morning and i ate only one! one!!!!!! and when i came back for it they were all gone! all 13 of them. seriously, sometimes i hate having siblings. they eat all the junk food before you get to eat it!!!!!! gahhhh just thinking about it makes me mad for some damn reason! i want chocolate!!! i better eat the icecream first before they ate it all…… *runs*